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The things I remember. - Don't bother trying to explain Angel

Jul. 12th, 2005

01:51 pm - The things I remember.

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You always wanted to be free.

To look like the movie stars, to look like the people in the magazines.  You wanted to be free of the constraints of society. 

Your parents never cared, I remember.  Gave you money & sent you up north.  I wish I could remember their faces.

You were always my knight in shining armor, who would come & find me no matter where I was, or what I did to get me there.

You were always smiling, when you came to Potsdam, a golden God that walked the streets in suits & ties.  The punk rocker with the "Are you happy now" tea-shirt & the checkered tie.  You were never with out a tie...

Judith would dance on tables for you with those spiked boots you loved.  She would toss her hair & yell & scream.  She would smoke & hiss... yet you never yelled.

I miss you.

You came back to town a different person each time.  Different hair style, different smell, different walk.  Different brand of cigarettes, different stories.  We use to sit out on the rocks by the gravel pit & have Sunkist & butterfly kisses.  Home Made Donuts your sister sent up.  And presents that only would would think to give.

I still have the necklace on my mirror.

You were my sweet heart, my candy jewel.  You traveled & brought back pictures.  Cuban Cigars & tequila from Cuba, Vodka & Moltov Cocktails from Russia & Poland.  Gypsy treasures, incense, cocaine, Italian soda, French hats, glass beads, journals, glitter, feathers... you were all about life, & creating treasures out of things people would over look.  We shared hatred & laughter... we were a team.

The last time I saw you, you were gaunt & drawn... your eyes were muddy & blood shot & week.

You always came back... you never left me alone for to long.  You gave me hope that things would change.  That I was almost free.  You let me believe you would come back again.  You left with out a kiss, or a hug... you left me with a fake smile, a look to tell me there was no time.

Now I sit here, wondering where our time went.

You were suppose to save me, help me & support me.

Now who will I call late at night?  When I'm afraid?

Who will sing to me, & read to me.

Who will be there for me, no matter what I need? 

I'll stay awake at night, wondering if you're ok.  Just like I use to.  Because I worry still.

R.I.P.

I love you.

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